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Stories From My Idols: Part 1

“If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you’re really just following a rote creative template. That’s the opposite of creativity. Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time. But ANYWAY…” – Chuck Klosterman

Perhaps idol is a strong word, but then again, if those who sing on FOX three nights a week are considered idols, maybe it’s not all that strong. Likely influence is a better term, but influence doesn’t seem to roll off the tongue the way idol does. Idol – A person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered. Well, I do admire Chuck Klosterman, I do revere him, I don’t know if I’d say love – I don’t think he’d like that much. However, Klosterman will always be one of my main sources of inspiration, one of the writers who helped push me into this uncertain terrain that is journalism.

Klosterman’s style is one that I try to incorporate into feature writing whenever the opportunity presents itself. His ability to paint pictures through his words, to establish connections between objects that many could see no relation whatsoever, and his aptitude in incorporating himself and his thoughts into the story are unmatched. I’ve spent countless days (weeks, months) writing random essays that attempt to make sense of the world which we are living in the same way Klosterman does, but after being thrown into the traditional newswriting mix, I haven’t experimented in years. Not since a summer spent living with my grandmother in southeast Ottawa where I worked ten to twelve hour days doing nothing but laying interlocking stone and sod, when coming home to write about the culture that surrounded me was what I looked forward to at the end of each and every day – along with my Grandma’s fantastic cooking, of course – have I picked up the pen in such a way. Yet, the desire returns every time I read a piece of his.

That is why tonight I present you with a selected reading of his, from Chuck Klosterman IV.

Please enjoy, McDiculous.

Under The Hood Of A Craft Brewery

From The Sputnik – Oct. 12, 2011. Also ran on the CUPWire.

The following story ran in The Sputnik October 12, 2011, and was picked up by the CUPWire. It’s about beer. Yum.

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The Grand River Brewing Company’s brewery does not look like much from the outside. Instead it looks more like something of an old factory.

The reason for that is simple: it was the old home of the Galt Knife Factory. And though remnants of the old factory still remain both outside and on the interior, significant changes have been made to sway the focus of production inside the building to one thing: beer.

How it’s made

Zac Tremaine, the assistant brewmaster with Grand River, explained the process in which the delicious beverage known as beer is actually made.

The first stage of the brewing process is to prepare the malt, or as Tremaine called it, the “backbone of your beer.” Depending on the style of beer being created, such as a lager or an ale, different amounts and types of grain are loaded into a machine called a mill. Bright yellow and resembling a wood chipper, the mill crushes all of the grains. There is usually one constant grain that provides most of the foundation for all beers, and then specialty grains are added to create different flavours and colourations.

The rollers of the mill open the husks of the grain but leave the body intact, and the grains are then augured into a mash tun and mixed with warm water. Once the proper temperature is reached, the grains sit for an hour to attain starch conversion.

After the hour is up, something called wort has formed at the bottom of the mash tun. Tremaine defines wort as “the sweet and malty liquid that forms the foundation of beer in your glass.” The wort is circulated to the top, and then the brewmasters lauter the beer, meaning they separate the wort from the grains and move it to a kettle.
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Laurier Expansion Delayed By Gov’t Policy

From The Sputnik – Sept. 5/2011

Moratorium. Its definition according to Webster is rather simple: “A suspension of activity.” To Wilfrid Laurier University, its definition is much more than that. It’s a roadblock in the way of expansion to Milton.

Expansion to Milton has been a hot topic for conversation among those in the Laurier community, but the production of a policy by the Ontario government has caused a delay in any thinking of building.

Instituted by the Ontario Ministry of Training, Colleges, and Universities, the new policy being developed changes the procedures for post-secondary institutions, in the largest way, by giving the province the final say in where satellite campuses will be built, and by which host institution.

“This will ensure tax dollars are allocated in an effective and responsible manner. Of course, the province recognizes that, for many municipalities, having a postsecondary institution in the community is important for economic and regional development,” said Tanya Blazina, a spokesperson for the MTCU.

“That said, the province also needs to strike an appropriate balance between community and institutional aspirations and the province’s direction around capacity, growth and the need to expand postsecondary education and training in areas of the province that are needed the most,” Blazina continued. “The formal satellite campus policy will be aligned with the province’s growth plans. Under MTCU’s new satellite campus policy, decisions on the location and host institutions will now be made by the province.”

Knowing that the university will now have to pitch a bid, Dr. Max Blouw, Wilfrid Laurier University’s President, says the school is now in the planning stages for such a bid.
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